My friend’s daughter migrated to another country, just two years ago.
“How is she doing?” I asked.
“Very good. They are so happy. They have everything, friends, success…”
My friend’s daughter: 3
Myself: 0
Not that it’s a football match or that her situation has anything to do with me, but I still feel defeated by this answer. Because I have none of those: I am not successful, I have only few friends whom I can rarely see, and finally, I don’t have everything. How do you have everything just two years after moving to a new country? I don’t have it even though I live here since more than 7 years. I thought “having everything” took way longer than that.
I am not a successful immigrant, not at all. My migration set my career way back. More than being a step further, it has been several steps back and I’m still trying to catch up. So far I could convince myself that it’s what migrating does to you. What about those immigrants who already got everything then? What am I doing wrong?
Many things obviously. Don’t let me start. Not that I can face my mistakes either.
One usually moves with dreams and hopes about a better future, I had them too, but I forgot about them soon after. I let immigrant life to beat me up. No, no, it’s not that bad. But as the time passed, I got carried away from my wishes instead of getting closer to them.
I work with some disadvantaged families, who usually have great financial and social limitations. One evening as I was sitting with a mother I help, and her oldest son, I realized that I was amazed by their ability to dream and to believe. Their wishes were so unrealistic from my perspective, I was in awe of their imagination. I mean, they could not even pay their current rent but they were going through house listings for sale with specific facilities. She didn’t speak the language of this country but she was looking for ways to start her own business. I stopped her at some point and said, “you know I think you will have those some day, I actually believe you will.” She will achieve at least some of it because she dreams about it. Not that I believe all your dreams will come true in life but if you don’t imagine something, you will never get it, that’s for sure.
And then I started thinking about when I stopped dreaming. I also talked to my husband about this, when did we become so realistic? We are not even as disadvantaged as this family and we don’t even dare to dream about the things this mother wishes for herself and her children. What is worse than being an unsuccessful immigrant, is becoming an immigrant without an imagination. And I became one. How terrible. How did I get locked in this single, flat layer of reality and how do I get out? I want my ability to daydream back.
So I started listening to my favorite music from my teenage years. It boosts my confidence. I walk a bit different when I have my headphones on. I am not going to tell you what’s on that playlist but it took me to a time when I was swimming in a sea of possibilities. I feel the refreshing breeze. I am still trying to find my way to the dreamland and I hope I will do soon. Otherwise it’s just flat, unexciting.
