Have you ever had this feeling when someone tells you your idea wouldn’t work and you tell them it will and you want to show them how it did but you never can? Let me explain.
I had some ideas for various types of publications when I first moved to Germany. I was going to write this and that, and it would turn into a book, booklet, periodical etc. I think some of those ideas were good and they would make good publications. But I never had the motivation to finish one project so nothing was published. I just have writings and interviews here and there.
I talked to some people about these publication projects throughout the years. And then you of course hear these negative voices, how it’s not unique, it would not reach people, it couldn’t get funding… First of all, if you want to be the one who first ever thinks and talks about a super interesting, never ever written about subject before, go for it. Find that unique idea, be the best one to work on it, attract a lot of attention and then hope that no one else will do it better than you. It could be possible but it’s too much effort for me, so no, I’m not going for that. Secondly, I want to talk about my own experience, for example, about migration. I know so many other people did this before, they might have done it well too but let me say a word or two on the subject. Probably it will not interest many people —I always worked for publications with very limited target groups by the way— but that’s okay. This is something I am used to and I expect.
So when people cut you off with such realistic comments while you explain them what you want to do next —yes, they ask it first, I don’t start talking about my unrealistic ideas out of nowhere— I just have this angry voice inside me saying: “I will do it and show you how it’s done.” And then I don’t. It all explodes inside me. I even forget about it sometimes. Isn’t it funny? I wish I were one of those people are fueled by negative comments, get so motivated and get things done. Unfortunately I am not. I want to prove people wrong and then I don’t. I am actually annoyed by that but as I am writing about it, I find it funny too.
“Dude, take that back or I will show you” and nothing happens. It’s more likely that the project would come to life and it would still not prove the negative comments wrong. The best outcome.
I still cannot stop coming out with those ideas, thinking and writing about subjects that were thought and written so many times before. This is what happens when you have not a great but still a creative mind, I guess. You just cannot give up. You cannot prove “them” wrong either. It feels a bit stuck but personally, I am liberated with any little text I write down, just like this one. But a solution? I have none.
