Once upon a time a friend of mine introduced me to a group as “one of those, who were so much in Turkey but has become nothing here (in Germany.)” Ladies and Gentlemen… here I am, nothing, nobody. What I thought most about was if I were really “so much” back there. I guess I was, to some people at least. I mean, obviously, she thought I was “so much.” I was one of them then and I am one of them now.
As someone who respects herself, I never saw her after this incident. I kindly refused her requests to meet and haven’t told her why I wasn’t interested in seeing her again. But I gossiped a lot about her, I mean, so much. I told our common acquaintances about her babble and the people who don’t know her, listened to an anonymous version of the story. Yes, there might be truth to what she said, even though I really am not sure if I were so much back there, but bitch! How dare you? Whatever.
Her honesty lost her a friend and a free translator at the same time. She could neither speak German nor English, so she needed my help for several occasions. “The one who speaks the truth is kicked out of nine villages,” we say.
On the other side, with getting her out of my life, I lost my chance of having such great introductions. Ladies and Gentlemen… But this is migration, you know, not only do you leave your established friendships behind, but you also get involved in nonsensical relationships. I had some of them in the past seven years, I think enough of them too but I am sure I will have more.
Did I try to become “something,” somebody since this incident? Well, I guess I did but obviously not enough. I have a job that requires me to write a lot of letters starting with “Ladies and Gentlemen.” It’s nothing important but pays the bills and keeps me busy. I hope this text doesn’t sound bitter because I don’t feel bitter, I actually enjoyed writing it. It’s not going to have a happy ending but it has an okay ending, so it’s okay. I’m fine. I might become so fine or “so much” sometime too. Until then… not much.
